Half an hour later, we stood in front of The Flabby Fairy: Inn and Entertainment Center.
I wrote Hen a quick update on her page right before we left Bess’s. She scribbled a response almost instantly.
Doing chores. Be there once I escape!!
The building was several stories high and checkered with canopied windows. Floodlights illuminated the exterior, switching colors every few seconds. Purple and green drapes hung from the roof at the top of the building and over the doors.
“What’s with the hats?” James asked, pointing to a window display.
Moving closer, I saw row after row of mannequin heads, wearing a variety of elaborate hats. Unlike the ones in Underlander malls, these looked like real heads. In fact, their facial expressions were changing. One of them was laughing hysterically as though I’d told a good joke, another looked terrorized, and one winked seductively at me.
I nudged James and pointed out a sign above the display:
Wasslehook’s premium hats offer thousands of rip-roaring adventures, thrilling mysteries, Underlander encounters, and romances.
“I have more questions now than before,” James said.
“We can figure this out later,” I said as I remembered again we had less than a day left to find the Pearls.
It was buzzing with activity inside. A woman was singing on a stage off to the left in front of an audience seated at a couple dozen tables. With every word she sang, multi-colored bubbles emitted from her mouth and seemed to expand like a wave throughout the entire room. Fairies seemed to be darting from table to table, taking orders. Some customers sat eating distractedly while others were gathered around gaming tables.
“Does it seem bigger on the inside than it did out there?” I asked, looking around.
“And louder,” James said, gazing at the singer. “It’s a travesty her heart’s not in it.”
“Hang on,” I said, then opened my mouth as another colorful wave washed over us. A pleasant flavor greeted my tongue. “No way! James, you can taste the music!”
He gave me a funny look that seemed to say, why would you even want that? Sticking his tongue out, he said, “Tastes like those fake cherries they put on milkshakes at McDonalds. With just a touch of cardboard.”
Several doors with windows lined the wall to our right. Peering into one, we saw a whole bunch of people sitting motionless in plush armchairs, each with different hats on their heads. James and I looked at each other, shrugged, then moved on. A sign above the next door read, Magical Artifacts Shop.
“It’s locked,” James said, trying the handle.
“You must truly be touched by fate for your gift to lead you to my humble establishment,” said a voice behind us. We turned to find a portly man grinning at us.
“Hi! Are you Wasslehook?” I asked.
“As long as you’re not a constable,” Wasslehook said laughing.
That’s when I saw them—the ears. Large, pointed ears that contrasted with the rest of him, which was round and pudgy. His overcoat was so bright and colorful that I could’ve spotted it a block away.
“Let me get this straight,” James said. “This place is a nightclub, an antique store, a hat shop . . . and a hotel?”
“People across the flyland flock to the Flabby Fairy to find their fun,” Wasslehook said quickly. If I closed my eyes, I would’ve sworn I was listening to a TV commercial.
“And people can actually sleep in this place?” James clarified, stepping out of the way of a short woman aggressively attacking the floor with a push broom.
“The walls and floors are fully soundproofed. None of my valued guests can hear a thing once they’re settled into one of my luxurious suites.”
The woman with the push broom harrumphed.
“Regina, the third floor could use a good mopping,” Wasslehook said pointedly.
“Yeah yeah,” Regina said, without making any move to take the hint.
Wasslehook glowered at her then hurried on.
“What brings you to my establishment tonight?”
It took me a full second to remember our story. “I um, was thinking about giving Bess a gift to thank her.”
“A gift you say?” Wasslehook’s smile grew ever so slightly. “You’ve come to the right place. My reputation for trading the highest-quality magical merchandise is known on both sides of the Great Barrier. In fact, I have the perfect thing.”
He reached down and easily opened the door we’d determined was locked. After looking at each other, I shrugged and followed him in.
Inside the room was overwhelming. Shelves and cabinets packed with random objects lined the walls. I saw a watering can, baskets, utensils, garbage cans, boots, a taxidermized griffin, mugs, statues, a crown, coats, chandeliers, I could go on forever.
Wasslehook retreated behind a counter and produced a small satchel.
“A bag?” James deadpanned. “That’s your perfect suggestion?”
If Wasslehook was disappointed, he didn’t show it. “Not just a bag. This contains the famed makeup of Sigourney, the blessed monarch. One kiss with this lipstick is said to make the recipient fall madly in love with you.”
“Ew,” James said. “You think a 90-something-year-old lady wants magic lipstick?”
“A 90-something-year-old single lady,” Wasslehook corrected with a greedy smile.
“What else have you got?” James asked as I scoured the sides of the room.
This was part of the plan. James would talk Wasslehook up while I looked for the Torch of Purity.
I took a long look at a bookshelf with a glove next to it. A small piece of paper read, “Try me! Put the glove on and name a book on the bookshelf.”
I couldn’t help it. Glancing back to make sure Wasslehook was still distracted, I pulled the glove on and chose a book at random. “Turning Points in History,” I whispered.
The thick volume rocketed to my outstretched hand, nearly knocking me off my feet. It was almost as if I’d summoned Wasslehook as well. He made a beeline to me, grinning ear to ear. “Seer, you are obviously a young man with impeccable taste.”
“This is cool,” I said as James made his way over to us. “I can put any book on it and then summon it from wherever I am?”
“This bookcase is a necessary addition to any sorcerer’s household. Whether you’re an avid reader or a dedicated scholar, this is the bookcase for you.”
“What’s this?” James asked, squinting at a card dangling in the top back corner.
“Just the fine print. Pretty boring if you ask me,” Wasslehook said hurriedly.
“Bookshelf only functions with books on display?” James questioned, reading the card. “Oh and, of course, shelf and books sold separately. So how much for the magic bookshelf that acts just like a normal bookshelf unless you fork over more money for the books?”
Years after meeting him, James’s bluntness—even with adults—could still surprise me. He gave me a kick and I kept looking.
While James argued with the imperturbable Wasslehook, I continued poking around. There was an armchair that would conform to your body and launch you out when you were done. I also passed a mirror where my reflection desperately waved its arms at me. Although it didn’t talk, it pointed to his hair and then to me as though something was wrong. I touched my hair, momentarily wondering if the blond had somehow come back.
I was so distracted, I nearly knocked over a suit of armor. As it was, I bumped its outstretched arm, which held a torch in its metal hand.
A torch. I looked it up and down. It was made of wood and metal. Strange characters were engraved into the sides. This had to be it.
I made a point of looking around a bit more after that before rejoining James and Wasslehook, who were now looking over the mirror. My reflection tried once again to get my attention and pointedly parted his hair the other way. Experimentally, I reached up and pushed my hair in the other direction. The image of me switched to a real reflection, and I had to admit—I liked it better that way.
I reached into my pocket and felt the assortment of silver and bronze links that Bess had given us to pay with.
“Mr. Wasslehook, how much would it cost to get the bookshelf, the mirror, or um,” I pointed over my shoulder, “maybe that suit of armor?”
I must have been too obvious because James’s face fell. Wasslehook, on the other hand, smiled wider. “Hmmm, I’d have to think on it,” he said, making a show of folding his arms and putting a finger on his chin. “You know, I’m actually not sure if any of those are for sale.”
“Not for sale? Then what the blazes are they doing in this shop?” James asked.
“I would love nothing more than to contribute to a special gift for my dear friend Bess.” He snapped his fingers. “I’ve got it! What if we did an exchange of services instead?”
“I don’t know how to give prophecies yet,” I hedged.
“Of course not, Seer. No, I have something else in mind.”
James and I exchanged a wary glance.
“Are you familiar with kranks?” Wasslehook asked.
“I’m familiar with Hayden on shower day,” James grumbled.
Wasslehook chortled. “No no no. Kranks are cute little rodents. What are those brown ones Underlanders have that curl up into little balls of fur?”
“You mean hedgehogs?” I asked.
“Of course!” Wasslehook said. “As it happens, I’m hoping to expand into a nearby facility, which is currently abandoned except for a relatively small number of kranks that have made themselves at home. Kind of charming, but flyland regulations forbid non-domesticated animals in a facility that serves food. A minor technicality that I’m hoping you’ll help me resolve. Plus, I’d like another favor while you’re in there.”
“And what’s that?” James asked.
“There’s a journal in there I’d like you to fetch that belonged to my great grandmother, Annyahnabreth. Only has value to me really. According to my sources, it should be on a small table in the basement. I’d only ask you not to read the journal as it has very personal contents that should only be viewed by family eyes.”
That seemed easy enough, although James didn’t seem satisfied yet.
“And how are we going to get these kranks out of there?”
Wasslehook smiled wider.